Dear Lindsay Lohan,
What is your problem? Do you realize how rich you are and that you have endless (positive ) options on how to manage your lifestyle? Do you realize you could buy my house with your lunch money? Get a hold of yourself! You've fallen into the stereotypical child star role. The internet is full of stories about whose to blame for your wild and crazy ways - it's your mom, it's your dad, it's your friends...blah blah blah. You ain't got anyone to blame but yourself sunshine. You've been an adult for 3 years now. The trial period is over and the warranty has expired. GROW UP. It's highly unlikely that in the coming years you will reflect back and think "Lindsay Blow-han" was an affectionate nickname. And I'm sure it's just a matter of time before someone dubs you "Lindsay Fully Loaded". I much more preferred you when you were acting smart - in your movies and real life. Despite my harshness, I really do like you. But unfortunately you're being censored in my house right now. See, I have an 8 year old daughter who loved you in Parent Trap and Freaky Friday. I'm pretty sure she's only familiar with the Coke you drink and I'd like to keep it that way. The other day she saw you posing with a surfboard wearing your alcohol detection bracelet. I told her it was your "Shark Repellant Bracelet". Came up with that pretty quick on my feet. It's pretty easy to do those kind of things when you're Drug Free. Tip: Next time you go to Rehab come on down to Tennessee and visit us at Cumberland Heights - just a step down from Promises.... I promise. Best of luck to you...we'll be praying for your recovery, your career, your happiness and your sobriety.
P.S. You are who you hang with....give Paris my best wishes as well. JY